"Clear"

I forcibly told James we needed some selfies to post about the great news today.  I've always felt supported by God and unable to rest in my own strength, but today God give us the gift of great hope. James and I went to my appointment with  Dr. Julia Cogburn at Florida Cancer Specialists in Tampa at 12:30pm this afternoon.   I FINALLY heard the words that we had been hoping and praying for since October 2nd, "Your PET scan is clear of cancer."  I don't think the brevity of the news sunk in until after we left the office.  We were told that the only possibly questionable spot on the PET scan (done on Saturday) was in the area where I had had 9 lymph nodes removed on Tuesday (due to a microscopic cancer found on the sentinel lymph node previously plus the PET scan "spot").  ALL 9 LYMPH NODES WERE 100 PERCENT FREE OF CANCER (even after dissection)!  So, the slightly questionable color in the lymph area on the PET was only due to inflammation from the previous lymph node removal.  This means no skin/tissue damaging radiation is needed!  This makes reconstruction much easier for the surgeon and also makes it a much quicker process.  The skin never heals completely after high dose radiation exposure, so this is great news! 

Also, the cancer genetics showed a 35-40 percent chance of cancer (in the breast or otherwise) recurrence with no further treatment, and less than 14 percent risk of recurrence with only 4 rounds of chemo and 5 years of hormone blockers (which I plan to take them for 10 years which will decrease the risk even more!).  This treatment will not be easy, but will kill precancerous cells in the lymphatic system and in the blood, and will also cut off what feeds my type of cancer in the breast tissue (estrogen).  Not all cancers will respond well to chemo, and not all will respond well to hormone blockers.  Thankfully mine is "beaten up" by both! Though my cancer is considered aggressive, it is moderately aggressive rather than super aggressive, requiring 4 rounds of less toxic chemo, rather than 8 rounds of super toxic chemo!  This is what we have been praying for.  My oncologist is also supportive of vitamin infusions between treatments to keep my body strong, and to keep my kidneys and heart healthy.  (We are in the process of trying to find physicians that perform these infusions for lower costs and/or take insurance for the treatments.)  Though we have a long road with a lot of difficulty ahead, we are joyful in knowing that God has taken care of the cancer in my body!  We are also thankful that He has given my doctors the knowledge of how to prevent it from coming back.  Cancer is not welcome here anymore!  . . . Big God . . . little cancer.   

We cannot thank you enough for your support an encouragement!  God has really blessed us in ways we certainly don't deserve.  Evidence is all around.  Please continue to pray for us as we embark on the chemotherapy journey (as well as treatments to prevent lymphodema)!

PET results and Recovery from Surgery

 

So I'm starting recovery again, and this time there was more pain the first few days but I'm actually starting to feel better more quickly.  I still need to be very easy on my right arm to prevent complications, as 6 lymph nodes were removed on that side. (I'm going to a lymphodema prevention specialist on Tuesday and will find out more about restrictions during recovery about that time.)   I will forever have an increased risk of infection on the right side, and will need to be careful about touching anything that may have bacteria with my right hand (hello cleaning gloves!).  Please join us in praying that there are no complications with having had the nodes removed, especially lymphodema, which is incurable.  Please also join us in praising God that preliminary results show no cancer in the auxiliary lymph nodes!  This is especially miraculous, as my PET results came back CLEAN except for a small spot on the right lymph nodes (which the doctor is now saying was probably just inflammation left over after the other surgery!)  Last time we had a "clear lymph nodes" result at surgery, they found a microscopic cancer in the sentinel lymph node later.  This, combined with the spot on the PET, lead my surgical oncologist to remove all the auxiliary lymph nodes on the right side on levels 1 and 2 (out of 3 levels).  We are praising God for the preliminary results and asking God for a "clear of all visible cancer" result after pathology results come back.  

Jimmy (and Josh) have sweetly worn their "team Jen" shirts a few times, sometimes pulling them out of the dirty laundry saying "I want to wear my punch mom's cancer in the booty shirt!" . . . Love them so much.  Though they can't understand everything, they are interested in learning and understanding as much as they can.  Its so neat seeing them, particularly Jimmy, trust God to care for me.  Jimmy told me today that God healed me from my cancer but I still need medicine keep it from coming back. He also said that God is really the only one that can "beat up" cancer.   So much wisdom from such a young mind.  We are praying that Jimmy is right that the cancer is gone!  We 

will find out more on Friday and Monday about: the PET scan, the oncotype (cancer genetics= aggressive nature of the cancer), and the pathology results from the lymph nodes removed on Tuesday.   Please pray for low aggressiveness, clear lymph nodes in the recent surgery, and clear definitive result of no cancer on the PET scan (now that we have removed and tested lymph nodes in the questionable area).  

Please also pray that I heal quickly from the surgery and am able to start chemo on the scheduled date.  The sweet nurses gave me a heart for my surgery drain (starting over again with that!  :P).  My surgical oncologist reminds me of a caring father, "You're gonna be okay kid."  We are blessed beyond measure with my treatment team (and they all meet together to make sure all the bases are covered!)  Please pray that God guides us in finding and making decisions on reputable IV nutrition from holistic physicians that are willing to work with my hemotology oncologist and is knowledgeable, yet sympathetic to the financial hurdles of cancer patients.

I can't thank you all enough.  For those not on facebook, I wanted to share this recent post I made:

  

To the individual that annonymously blessed us with $100 for my cancer treatment (among so many others who have blessed us with prayers, giftcards, gifts, etc): We cannot thank you enough. We are embarking on a journey, where only conventional medicine is covered by insurance. In addition to chemotherapy, we are hoping I can have nutritional IVs to build up and detox my body, at times when my oncologist says its ok. This seems like a no brainer. My kidneys and heart are already struggling before chemo, so we need to strengthen them as much as possible. This is not covered by insurance and costs $150-$200 per IV, costing upwards of $3000 total. We are using vegetable juicing and essential oils with very high anti-oxident properties to neutralize cancer causing free radicals. This is not covered by insurance, yet taking these steps to strengthen my body yields a 50 percent reduction in cancer re-occurrence. Using caps to save my hair is also not covered by insurance. Thank you kind person, for helping me to stay strong, and in turn helping me to be strong for my kids and my family. We cannot thank you enough! (And in case you didn't catch it, we are thankful for ALL that are sacrificing for us, I am using this as an example. Though we are stretched, we would not even be able to think about some of these treatments if we didn't have help. Thanks for showing us love!)

See this:

Several studies of high-dose vitamin C in patients with cancer have been done in recent years, including the following:

Studies of vitamin C alone

Intravenous (IV) vitamin C was studied in patients with breast cancer who were treated with adjuvant chemotherapy and radiation therapy. The study found that patients who received IV vitamin C had better quality of life and fewer side effects than those who did not.
A study of IV vitamin C and high doses of vitamin C taken by mouth was done in patients with cancer that could not be cured. Vitamin C was shown to be a safe and effective therapy to improve quality of life in these patients, including physical, mental, and emotional functions, symptoms of fatigue, nausea and vomiting, pain, and appetite loss.
Vitamin C has been shown to be safe when given to healthy volunteers and cancer patients at doses up to 1.5 g/kg, while screening out patients with certain risk factors who should avoid vitamin C. Studies have also shown that Vitamin C levels in the blood are higher when taken by IV than when taken by mouth, and last for more than 4 hours.

Unexpected Surgery NEXT WEEK

So I am using the above copyrighted photo as a sample, to show you what I'm talking about when I describe how I need to have surgery in order to have more lymph nodes removed.  There was a spot of malignant cancer (.4mm) on the right sentinal lymph node (normally breast cancer's first lymph node to invade-- you have one-two on both sides).  This is so microscopic that some oncologists don't know whether to count that as a positive or negative lymph node.  My hemotology oncologist (Dr. Julia Cogburn at Florida Cancer Specialists) is concerned that there could be a microscopic dot on another lymph node, since the lymphatic system is connected, and that if not removed it could cause the cancer to be able to metastasize.  My surgical oncologist is very conservative, and skilled (his brother actually started the breast center at MOFFIT, then they opened a private practice together).  He painstakingly takes samples of areas that would make a difference cosmetically, before just removing it all.  He is cognizant of making sure there are more than adequate margins of healthy tissue as well.   Normally when auxillary lymph nodes are removed, all 5 are removed together.  Dr. Cox will remove the next two lymph nodes on the right side only, and if clear, will leave the rest alone. (Please pray that the first two lymph nodes come back clear and that the rest will be left alone!)  Many surgeons would remove all 5, but he would rather painstakingly test each one, and then take more only if needed, so that I can minimize my risk of lymphodema (long term swelling in the arm that can be difficult to treat).  This, I thank him for!  I thank God for my combination of physicians that are so caring for my well-being, physically and emotionally.  I will also have a port placed on the right side of my chest during the same surgery to keep my veins healthy during chemotherapy infusions (an implant under the skin that will later be removed).  Yay for two implants!  At least I'll have one on each side now.  Haa!  (Actually please pray that I adjust to it quickly and that it causes minimal scaring.  The number of scars on my body is getting ridiculous.  I look forward to having no scars in heaven someday.)

So my husband actually has a procedure on the 28th, and has no vacation days left, except one for the 28th (he used the other ones for my first surgery).  A sweet friend of mine has offered to go to the surgery with me.  What an outpouring of love!  You know who you are, thank you!  And, if any of my dear friends have to face surgery alone, please let me come be with you.  I would like to "pay it forward" the comfort of just having someone to pray with and "be there."

On that note, I have been researching Vitamin infusions to help if any of you know a good physician in the Tampa area that does infusions, to remove toxins and boost immune system for cancer patients, let me know.  I've found a couple, but time is short and I need to move quickly cause chemo starts before Christmas!  On that note, please pray that the oncotype report comes back as moderate or low aggressiveness.  We know that the cancer is not super low aggression, which is why I need at least some chemotherapy, but right now I only need 4 rounds of less toxic chemo, instead of 8 rounds of super toxic chemo, which could have longer lasting effects on my body.   The more toxic chemo regimen is required if the cancer comes back as super aggressive.  Thanks for your prayers!

A lot of people have said that I'm dealing with a lot.  Yeah, ok, its a lot.  I'm not specially equipped for hardship (that I can tell), I'm not strong.  I just know God has my back. I didn't pick cancer, but I am confident that God allowed it in my life for a reason.   And He has my family's back to.  Do I have moments of weakness?  ohh yeah, we all do,   But usually I'm just like this <3:

3 Weeks after surgery: Chemo or Not to Chemo

So its 3 weeks post surgery.  Pathology results have come back so I thought that I should share them (because my sweet friends keep asking.)  Honestly I wasn't ready to talk about the results at first.  Though stage 1 cancer, it has had lymph node involvement (which we did not expect) and is very aggressive (with a higher risk of re-occurrence than the doctors are comfortable with not doing more treatment).   The tumor in the right breast had grown from 1.2 cm to 1.5 cm in length, in a matter of 4 weeks (so now stage 1c, rather than 1b). There was also 5cm of  DCIS (basically cancer in the milk ducts that hasn't created tumors and is contained in the ducts), also in the right breast.   The lymph node involvement, as well as the aggressive nature of the cancer means that we and my doctors need to be prudent in making sure to kill any cells that may have "escaped" into the blood stream or into the lymphatic system.  This means at least 4 rounds of chemotherapy., and possible radiation of the remaining lymph nodes (but we hope this will not be needed).  Now, I would say that I like to use a combination of western and holistic medicine.  I think an awareness of both, and how God has revealed things to both types of physicians and health scientists is important.  So, I'm working on gathering essential oils, doing research on a better juicer, signing up for accupuncture, and researching cold caps for the hair (basically cryogenic freezing so that it comes "alive" again after each chemo session without having been damaged).  All of these things will be used along with shots to boost my white blood cells and immune system!  Check out before and afters for using the "chemo cold caps" to save hair!

Honestly, I count it as a miracle that folks at the Florida Cancer Specialist Center use these scalp freezing caps frequently and can help me!  These caps are NOT well known and sadly some cancer patients don't even know they have the options.  Jimmy was really worried that I might lose my hair.  I don't want to stress him more than I need to (and wigs ARE NOT CHEAP!)  So if you know anyone that will be having chemo, let them know about the cold caps!  I understand if people decide that its not worth it, but they should at least have the choice :). 

Hair aside, I have to admit that I was very stressed the first few days after learning that I would probably require chemotherapy.  My biggest fear was needing chemo, and being told I couldn't have it because of my heart and kidney disease.  But I'm only 35.  We need to fight aggressively to prevent recurrence, because being this young, along with the aggressive nature of my cancer, does not hold a good prognosis without more treatment for me.  I had a few moments of "God what are you doing?" But I came to the realization that the fact that I can have chemo, and that my cells are easily recognized by chemo as abnormal, is really a blessing.  Some folks have a type of cancer that chemo is less effective against because they look more like normal cells.  The more things that we can throw at the disease to make sure it is gone, as well as keep my immune system strong, the better.  

What to pray:   Please join us in praying that the testing that my hematology oncologist performed to determine a more precise aggressiveness rating for the cancer will come back as moderate or low and not high.  If the rating comes back as high it is likely that I will need a longer and more toxic chemo regimen which may be hard on my heart, which already has enough problems.  Please pray that the doctors will make the right decisions regarding radiation.  Obviously I don't want to have cancer, but radiation also damages skin and will make any reconstruction efforts more difficult.  My surgical oncologist does not want to remove the rest of my lymph nodes because the "dot" that he found on the sentinal lymph node was so small that it is very unlikely that there would be cancer anywhere else in the lymphatic system.  So, he does not want to remove the rest of my lymph nodes to check and potentially cause swelling (lymphodema).  For this reason, I may need to have the remaining lymph nodes radiated. Please pray that I will not be too sick or tired, that my children will be well taken care of, and that James will be well taken care of.  Ultimately we pray and trust that God will heal me. I look forward to being cancer free!  

On a less vital (but painful) note, I still have had to keep the surgery drains in (going on week 3!) because my body is creating a lot more fluid than the plastic surgeon is comfortable with.  Please pray that my body heals quickly and well with no infection.  On that note, chemo also drastically increases your risk of infection so please pray that I do not get sick (and please kindly stay in your home if you or your kids are sick as common courtesy . . . you never know when someone might have a compromised immune system.  Their life might depend on you being courteous to them by not knowingly exposing them to germs).

James and I are so thankful that everything has been healing well.  Look!  In a dress you can pin the surgery drains to the inside and no one is the wiser (until they see you moving like a stiff puppet with a stick up its shirt :p.   I got to go with James to his Christmas work party which was amazing.  His coworkers have been such an encouragement to us in various ways.  I can't thank them enough.   

Then I got to go to the TBPC Christmas Brunch with this beauty!  My mum has been such a blessing to us the last week, and we get to keep her til Saturday (along with my sister Rosie).  Its been fun being "normal."  Honestly at times the appointments, drug lists, and various tasks related to having this disease are daunting in and of themselves.  Though I'm in pain and still having trouble sleeping at night, being able to breathe in pockets of "normal" at times is such a gift!  Thank you God!

ps  I have had a few friends ask how to help with my "keep Jen's hair" fund.  Hair saving is not covered by insurance and costs a few thousand dollars.    Here is the link if interested:  click here

10 days after surgery

Praise God we made it to the worship service this morning!  (albeit 40 minutes late because James seemed to think he could wash my hair, blow dry it, and have me slowly get dressed in a way that doesn't injure me all before getting himself ready, in a matter of 10 minutes)   As much as I complain, James has really been such a blessing to me in so many ways.   He's been my nurse, which allowed me to come home from the hospital and be with my boys.  He sterilizes my skin, brushes my hair, changes my dressings, and drains fluid coming out of the tubes in my sides.  Yes, I still have drains coming out of the skin under my arms, and these are quite painful, but I don't think that the pain gets worse with activity.   Thankfully my chest is only slightly sore if I remember to keep my arms down ( I did accidently lift Cale yesterday and was left with a large yellow-gray bruise . . . don't tell my mum or she'll give me the angry eye!)  My under arms hurt more intensely than anywhere else.  This is good in some ways because it reminds me not to lift my arms (and babies!)  The skin looks healthy which is great because necrosis (skin death) is quit common. 

The picture above is from our Thanksgiving festivities at Aunt Kathleen Barber's home.  I look fairly normal but this was a 2 hour labor of love between my friend Rebecca and James to get my hair done and get me dressed.  We have much to be Thankful for is true, but at the same time I wouldn't necessarily say that we have more to be thankful for now than normally.  We have a new nephew, LEVI, which is awesome!  But ultimately we never deserve anything that we have.  God is always good. We can never be thankful enough.

 I couldn't resist sharing this picture of my sister Mel and I because she is just cute and I love having her as our new roommate in our home.  (She moved in a few weeks ago as her parents are going to be moving out of the country to SHARE CHRIST in Columbia.)

 We are still awaiting the pathology results, and as we wait I've been researching risks and benefits of various ongoing cancer treatment regimens (even though the doctor's already feel that the cancer is gone, even if they are correct (which we are praying they are) I am at drastically increased risk of reoccurrence vs. the general population). Because of this there are preventative chemo regimens as well as long term hormone blocker therapy, both of each increase survival rates for cancer survivors.  But, this is not without the possibility of tremendous side effects.  We are praying that chemo of any kind will not be recommended.  This is normally the case if the cancer was hormone fed, slow moving, slow growing, stage 1, and not in the lymph nodes.  We have already checked off some of these criteria!  We are also praying that whatever is recommended medication-wise, that we will have confidence in our decisions and that the doctors give us all options and recommendations with God given wisdom.  It doesn't seem to make sense to tear down your body in order to prevent cancer.  Please pray for us.  I'm still praying that if its God's will, they will find NO cancer in the removed tissue, nor anywhere else in my body.  (We will have a PET scan to check the rest of my body for cancer cells in the next few months.)  God can do amazing things, but I know He loves me regardless. 


So we have some incredible friends that have helped us with the kids, which is more needed than I anticipated.  James has been home with me but over the weekend he realized he was having a difficult time being mom and dad (which definitely made me feel loved). Our house is a bit of a disaster.  I did try to pick up toys while keeping my arms by my sides and had some success.  So, our friends the Wysses (amoung many who have helped with the kids) took the kids this afternoon so that James could run some errands.  Having a wife that you can't leave with the kids definitely makes replacing a broken dryer more of a chore!  (Yes, he did it this afternoon!)    We also took the opportunity to go to together lunch due to being kidless:

As you can see we are doing quit well . . . . <3

Prayer:  Please praise God with us that surgery and healing have gone well thus far.  Please pray for doctors, pathology results, and our decisions as we move forward with further treatment/cancer prevention.  Particularly please pray that no chemo is recommended and that less toxic options are available to me.  Please pray for strength for my kidneys.  Please pray for strength for James and my relationship as we grow weary with dealing with medical issues and pain.  Praise God for his provision for us in so many ways!
 

SURGERY!

SURGERY TIME!

My bilateral mastectomy and sentinel lymph node biopsy was on November 17th, which was 3 days ago.  I was very anxious about the anesthesia, more so about that than the actual 5-6 hour surgery.  I had a fantastic nurse anesthetist that gave me something to put me asleep before we even got to the OR.  This way I didn't have time to worry about it.   The team of doctors (John Cox- surgical oncologist, and Melanie Aya-Ay- plastic and reconstructive surgeon, as well as a nuclear medicine physician and an anesthesiologist team of three) all did a fantastic job caring for me during the procedure!  It is amazing realizing how many people put so much time and effort into saving my life and building my body back up.  I am so thankful that they were willing to be God's instruments in my life.  The painstaking effort that Dr. Cox put forth in making sure all the breast tissue was gone leaving paper thin skin behind, as well as samples being sent to pathology DURING the procedure to determine how much skin area needed to be taken is incredible to think about.  This is not to mention the precision in creating the place for a new feminine form from practically nothing, by Dr. Aya-ay (one more surgery will be required by Dr. Aya-ay in the spring to complete reconstruction).  I will forever be indebted to these people who have allowed God to use them in such a miraculous way in my life. 

Preliminary results:  SO FAR, Dr. Cox and his resident believe that all of the cancerous tissue was removed with adequate margins of normal tissue.  They also know already that there was NO CANCER found in the lymph nodes!  This is great news, as it would minimize the toxicity and amount of follow up cancer treatment post surgery.    All of the tissue that was removed was sent to pathology, and final results will come back after Thanksgiving.  Then we will find out the total number of tumors (I could feel 2, one was biopsied), size of tumors, if some of the "pre-cancer" was calcium and not cancerous (it looked like there was pre-cancer throughout the right breast on the mammogram).  We will also find out what the cancer was "fed by," which helps to determine what follow up treatment will be needed to prevent new cancers from forming, now that we know that I have a high likelihood of forming these types of cancer.  Three options are sometimes recommended for my type of cancer:  chemo, chemo and hormone therapy, or hormone therapy alone.  Although all three of these options have side effects, hormone therapy alone is way less toxic to the body (and easier for your other organs to handle).  So, although we would like for me to not have ANY side effects with follow up treatment, we are being realistic and praying that the best course of action for my particular cancer will be hormone therapy alone.  We are unsure of how my heart and kidneys would handle chemo, so it would be a difficult decision if we had to decide whether to take chemo or not, if it were recommended.  We are praying that chemo will not be recommended for my type  and stage of cancer (so praying that is designated as stage 1, hormone fed, slow dividing!).

MY STYLIST

I think one of my favorite memories from this recovery time post surgery will be James fixing my hair for me.  It usually entails my hair going everywhere and James saying he doesn't know how to brush my hair cause there's so much of it, followed by me asking him to brush it from underneath, followed by James flipping my hair everywhere but not actually brushing it, and me laughing and saying he can stop.    I'm just going to have to go with the crazy hair look for now.  There is no way that I can lift my arms above my shoulders, let alone brush my hair.  It is hard to be dependent on others for EVERYTHING.  But I think its good for me too.  I can't put my clothes on, get myself out of bed, or even open my medication bottles without help.  Its been so special in some ways having my loving husband take care of me.  Even if he doesn't do everything "right."  Even if he folds the towels wrong and doesn't know how to put on leggings, the effort that he is putting forth is making me feel so loved.  On that note, I feel so loved by so many right now.  The care that you all have shown me has blown me away, and continues on a daily basis.  Maybe I should have expected this kind of care, but I did not.  I don't know how I'll ever thank you all.  I won't be able to. 

FASHION DIVA with HOMEMADE DRAIN POCKETS

So, to emphasize what an incredible nurse James has been for me, I want to explain all of the things that he does for me.  I probably won't remember to share everything he does.  First of all James is doing laundry and dishes, as well as basic picking up around the home (which our laundry is a lot!).  He sets a timer for every 8 hours for two of my medications and every 4 hours for my other medication (including in the middle of the night!).  He gives me a glass of water and my meds around the clock.   He helps me into bed and out.  He assists me with using the restroom, keeps me clean, and gets me dressed in the morning.  This includes brushing and fixing my hair.  On top of this he is stripping, emptying, measuring, and recording how much is draining into the tubes that are connect to my incisions using gloves and hand sanitizer, being careful not to expose my wounds to germs.  Now this is a labor of love!  These tubes are where the nifty homemade drain pockets come in!  I knew before surgery that I would have tubes and drains coming out of the incisions.  I wanted a way to carry them that would keep pressure and pulling off of the incisions.  Hence this pink and purple diva drain pocket.  Each pocket holds two jp drains and can be worn over or under clothes. 

THE NOOK

Yesterday James took me out on a date.  We haven't had a lot of dates lately, so this was a special treat, even thought I was in pain!   James did EVERYTHING for me.  He got me dressed, helped me to the car, buckled my seat belt, and helped me with the car door.  I can't get up or down without him but he still wanted to put in the extra effort to have a special date.  His tenderness with me is so loving.  I don't want to put this kind of pressure on my hubby, but its so meaningful to me that he is up to the task of caring for and loving me, regardless of the amount of effort required. 

How to PRAY:

We appreciate everyone's prayers so much!  We can't thank you enough.  It seems that God is answering prayers already ;).   Please pray for continued healing and that I am able to manage the intense chest pain well.   I am not able to take the amount of muscle relaxer that most mastectomy patient's take due to my kidney issues.  This means I have to deal with more pain unless I take higher doses of the prescribed narcotics, which makes me sleepy and loopy.  Please pray that my muscles would move and that God would minimize the pain.    Also please pray that my pathology results indicate Stage 1 and stage 0 cancers (and no later stages), as well as hormone receptor positive, slowly dividing, and the least abnormal looking cells.  This type of cancer could be treated with hormone blockers and no chemo.  My kidneys and heart could be permanently damaged by chemo, but if we need it to make sure the cancer is gone, we would probably still do it.  Please pray that chemo is not even recommended for my cancer.  Please pray that the cancer was removed 100 percent with more than adequate margins of normal tissue between what was removed and the cancer cells.  Please pray that follow up treatment, regardless of what it is, is clear with what we should do.  Please also pray that any follow up treatment is effective and that no cancer comes back EVER in my life (this is my second cancer battle, though this battle will leave me changed physically more than the previous cancer).  Please pray for good healing of my skin and no necrosis (skin dying), which is a semi-common problem in reconstruction due to so many blood vessels being removed.  Also please pray that I would regain feeling in areas that have lost feeling due to severed nerves.  I've also been having some evidence of allergic reaction to something that was used on my skin.  There are small blisters popping up, which could be a concern due to contributing to infection risk.  Please pray that the itchiness and blistering would be resolved quickly with no infections.  The itchiness is quit uncomfortable.  Praise God with us that surgery went so well and that the prognosis is good so far.  Please pray for the health of my heart, and particularly for my kidneys as they have had to filter out the nuclear medicine as well as pain medications and later more medications.  My kidney function is not looking good.  Right now it looks like its at 21 percent of normal function.  It had been at 23 percent for a long time, so we are praying for it to go back to where it was.  Even those few percentage points make a difference.

Everyone has been saying that I'm so strong, but I'm really not.  I'm glad I don't have to fight, cause God will fight for me (Exodus 14:14).  You all are seeing God's strength.  I am determined not to focus on myself, but rather to keep going and moving forward.  Satan tries to paralyze us with fear and despair.  With God we have hope.   I pray that I will always share that hope, regardless of what I'm facing. 

GET CHECKED

On another note, ladies please be giving yourself regular self exams!  (and men!)   So many people say that they don't want to have a physical because they are worried that something might be found.  Cancer is NOT genetic in my family, and my breast cancer is not the genetic type.  I have zero risk factors and am actually considered low risk.  I have breast cancer that was found early (thanks to God!).  If cancer is found early it is WAY easier to treat it successfully than if it is found late.  I'm not saying this to scare anyone, but really you need to check.  Also, eat healthy.  What you eat is going to come out.  I eat pretty clean.  Just think if I ate junk, dyes, artificial sweeteners.  That cancer probably would have been growing faster!  Those free radicals feed cancer.  So, if I don't let my kids eat blue icing or artificially flavored candies at your home, please don't be offended.  Our family doesn't eat chemicals that weren't initially intended to be food!  Also, please wear sunscreen!  Skin cancer is being found at younger and younger ages.  Get your moles checked too!   Who cares if its awkward wearing a paper gown, isn't your life worth it?  We are supposed to take care of our bodies to the best of our ability.  God created our bodies for us.  One way that we can honor God is go care for our bodies. If one person prevents cancer of finds their cancer earlier because of this note, my cancer will have been worth it.  God works in mysterious ways.  We don't always understand it or like it, but we just have to let ourselves be used. 

"Looking forward" to surgery

SNUGGLE TIME!!

We have been blessed with a 6 year old, 3 year old, and 15 month old who LOVE snuggles!  I want to get in as many snuggles as I can before surgery this Thursday.  I am having a bilateral mastectomy with the beginning stages of reconstruction immediately after (although it is likely that I will not be finished with all the reconstruction procedures for 6-8 months from now).  I am SO GRATEFUL that my cancer is in an area that can be removed.  There is a good chance that I will not need chemotherapy (we are praying for this!), and cutting something that I don't need out sounds way better than putting poison in!  A few people have been asking what to pray for specifically.  I probably won't remember to list everything but here's something to get you started:  that the doctor's will get ALL of the cancer out surgically, that the cancer is not in the lymph nodes, that the doctor's make wise decisions on how much skin tissue to take based on pathology reports, that the pathologists will make the correct recommendations, that surgery will be successful and safe, that God will sustain my family through the marathon of recovery and repeated surgeries, as well as adjustments to long term medications (which normally have side effects), that my kids will feel loved and not be anxious, and that my husband will feel loved and not be anxious but count it as a chance to wholly rely on God.  

So, I have to say that a few of my friends (you know who you are!) have blessed me incredibly over and over, which has led to others blessing us through my friends sharing our story.  I have been so blown away by the outpouring of love on your family.  To be honest, when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I was more stressed about the six week recovery after surgery than the actual diagnosis (call me crazy but I have had a few serious illnesses that could have ended my life and God kept me here!)  So, these friends created a spread sheet to make sure that I had tons of physical help and would heal correctly after surgery . . . and I wish I could show you because it is above and beyond! Their first meeting was actually planned without my knowledge (you know who you are and you are in trouble!).  I've also had two lovely ladies set up fundraiser accounts, not to mention the Women's Bible Study at my church pulling money together for some cute and functional post-mastectomy ensembles! I know so many are sacrificing time and reaching deep into their pockets to help us. These are two of the accounts:  Click here for a Team Jen T-shirt!  and Go Fund Me by a couple of my beautiful friends . . . tells the whole story .  See what I mean?  I feel like I'll never be able to thank those who are supporting me enough.  What a blessing.  My friend told me that she hates cancer, but that she can see God doing beautiful things through it.  I agree.  I've gotten closer with some friends, women have rallied around me, I can't even explain all of it.  

God is good . . . that explains it!

A NEW DIAGNOSIS

I've come to the realization recently that I need to have a website with updated health information, so that I don't exhaust myself with repeated explanations to different people, or worse yet assume someone close to me has information that they don't have.  Please check back her regularly for updates (and possibly even updates during surgery if I can twist my handsome husband's arm enough :)).

On October 7th, 2016 I got THE phone call.  I was sitting at Chick Fil A, watching my 3 and 6 year old play in the play area, while trying to appease my one year old who had run out of milk (imagine!).  Dr. John Cox  called (brother of Charles Cox who started the Moffitt Breast Center and trained many of the surgeons there!).  "I have bad news."  I knew right then that I had breast cancer, but I wasn't surprised.  How many rare and random diagnosis have I been given in my life . . . 6-8?  Who can keep track of these things?  Though breast cancer is common, it is extremely uncommon in women under 40 who DO NOT have the genetic mutation that predisposes one to the disease.  I DO NOT have the genetic mutation.  I am 35.  I've had 3 kids (which supposedly reduces your risk of breast cancer).  I have not taken any type of hormones in medications for more than  a total of 3 years.  I am considered low risk, yet I was not surprised.  Had God prepared me for this moment?  I didn't feel shaken.  This definitely wasn't my own strength.  Dr. Cox continued, "I'm so sorry.  It'll be okay.  We will get through it."  I answered "Okay thank you."  Dr. Cox seemed surprised by my gratitude.  "No, thank you," he responded.  I could tell he sincerely cared.  

Backing up a little, I had stopped breastfeeding Cale when he was 13 months old.  A month later I went to an appointment with the ob/gyn and asked about a seemingly clogged milk duct that "won't clear up even though I stopped nursing."  This was followed by a nonurgent mamogram 3 weeks later, then a very urgent biopsy with Dr. John Cox less than a week later, which he got me in so quickly due to nudging from his wife who happens to work with my ob/gyn (God is so good).  Dr. Cox performed a biopsy with an instrument that sounded like a mini-jack hammer.  After multiple stabs there was enough tissue to test.  This lead to the aforementioned Chick-fil-A phone call. That lead to a discussion for what type of surgery I would need.  Its ironic watching your kids run up and down the hallway laughing in the same office where you are discussing treatments with major surgeries and life-threatening diseases, but only if you think about it.    Life goes on.   Life goes on but life might not be the same, at least for a while.  And I will definitely not be the same.  Surgery is scheduled for November 17th.  Large amounts of blood vessels and nerves will be removed from my body.  It feels strange discussing the risks and benefits of cutting out more or less from my body.  This body was created by God.  This body has done miraculous things (like carry 3 boys to term), that it wasn't supposed to do according to my kidney specialist.  But God knew it would change now. This was still part of his plan.  We just need to trust him.  I just need to trust him.  Isn't it miraculous that this didn't come up until I was finished breastfeeding all of my kids?  I'll end for today on that note :).